Do you ever feel like you need to crack your ribcage? Like, the way you feel like you need to crack your knee or something? I do. Like, that spot right in the middle, probably where surgeons would crack open my ribcage to get to my chest cavity (let’s hope that’s actually never necessary).

Sarah told me that when my host father comes home my alone time in the apartment is like GONE. Which is really, really sad. I only have four weeks left, so it’s not really THAT big of a deal, but still. She also said he’s probably going to feed me breakfast, which is a MAJOR problem because it means I actually have to eat it all, instead of skillfully putting it back/flushing some down the toilet (you all think I’m crazy right now, but it’s actually the ONLY way to escape eating it. The psychology of the food culture here is actually insane. Did that make sense? Not really, but that’s okay).

Whoa. Only four weeks left. That is weeeeeird. I need to write 2 term papers. That’s not really okay.

Today was a good Russia day. Also I had something more important to say but forgot.

Friday, November 16th
For the first time ever, I almost wished I were a smoker, because then I’d have a lighter over which I could roast my newly acquired marshmallows. But I am not a smoker, and do not have a lighter. I’ll need to get on that. I tried over the stove, but it wouldn’t get hot enough. Also I’ve tried to do that over candles, but then they tasted like lavender or fresh sea breeze, and I didn’t really like that.

So then I tried to make a nice melted marshmallow/chocolate/peanut butter mix, but it quickly turned into a gross goopy mess.

Also Eddie’s host mother yelled at the cat for not eating enough. No joke.

Later tonight we’re going to a bar around the main square. Although it’s probably only like a 10-15 min walk for me, I’ll probably end up taking a taxi home. I’m a bit apprehensive about walking alone at night along back streets. It’ll be nice to just hang together, though the search for an inexpensive bar/restaurant/place with a social atmosphere is still on.

Saturday, November 17th
So last night was fun. Not really a whole lot to say about that.

Today we went to the children’s home. Sometimes I didn’t really know what to do with them, or really understand what they were saying, but that’s okay. They were really cute and were glad we were there. Of course, for some reason, I started carrying one little kid around on my back and then they ALL wanted to be carried around, so for like 20 minutes we were just running around this little room with small children on our backs. We’re going back tomorrow, so that’s good.

Afterwards we went to “Blin’OK,” which is somewhere I had wanted to go for quite awhile. I had a blini (a blin?) with bananas. Sonya, Ivan, Adrienne, and I went with this girl named Vika (from the Rotary club, Russian girl) and Mary (here on a Fulbright). It was all very nice.

My host mother keeps yelling at me because I’m not wearing enough clothing. She doesn’t believe that I’m actually warm when I go outside. At this point I almost just want to suck it up, freeze, and wear my pea coat all winter just to irritate her. So now she keeps telling me that we should buy a new coat if I won’t wear the dublyonka. I told her it isn’t the coat itself, it’s that it’s not cold enough yet. There aren’t any other Russians wearing dublyonkas yet, and I’m warm in my pea coat. Anyway I promised that when it hits minus 20, I’ll start wearing the dublyonka, but until then, I wear the pea coat.

I mean, I wouldn’t particularly mind wearing the dublyonka now, except for the fact that I’d probably stand out a lot. At this point I think I’m just trying to prove a point. Like, I have little control over what I do in Russia because I CAN’T BE INDEPENDENT, so I’ll control what I can. This mentality is also seeping into my mealtimes, as I’m refusing more and more food. Actually I’m just getting more stubborn in general. It’s usually a good sign when she’s upset with me, because it means I’ve done something good for me (like, not eaten disgusting amounts of greasy food, not sweating to death, etc). When did I become such a ridiculous passive-aggressive person? Oh yea, Russia will do that to you.

Sunday, November 18th
Just got back from the children’s home again. It was nice, but still sad when you think about the whole situation. The place where we go isn’t really a home, it’s more like a daycare kind of place (called the detskii sad, or literally translated, children garden). They live in these homes that are like, 20 kids in an apartment with an adult to take care of them. They’re like 5 or 6 but developmentally way behind where they need to be. Vika wanted to get people from her club together to do a New Year’s/Christmas thing for them.

In other news, I bought a lighter today and have begun to roast marshmallows on a fork in the kitchen. I have my marshmallows with tea, naturally. I don’t know exactly how long lighters last. I mean, first of all, I don’t really have experience with them, but second of all, they’re generally used to light something really quick and then be turned off. They don’t usually sit and burn so as to roast, say, a marshmallow or something. I think Nadya thinks I’m insane.

Okay, I’m going to roast one more marshmallow, and then I’m off to the internet café to post this.

Short update: On the way here, I saw some guy taken out by ice. And the Russians told me that I could wear heels because they don't have ice in the winter. Yea RIGHT.