Fabulousness.

Okay, I’m sorry, this is the funniest thing ever. It also warrants a diagram.

So Sonya, Eddie, Ivan and I all met at the sailor café for a little break from work. This was fun. We talked about all kinds of things (professors, major requirements, ridiculous computer hacking scams). So then we left (this is a great story so far, I know). Anyway Eddie and Ivan and I were waiting for the 84 marshrutka. So, universitetskii is the end of the line for 84, 61, 64, and 4 (I think that’s all of them…) Anyway so we’re waiting at this stop where there are usually 15 #84 marshrutkas waiting. But this time there weren’t any. But one pulled up, and so when the driver stopped to let his passengers out the entire crowd ran over to the marshrutka and were trying to get in. The driver yelled at everyone, said they couldn’t get in, and that they should go wait where they were waiting before (the place where people usually get on, like 10 feet away). So most of the time they park, stop for a little break, and then go. That’s what I figured this guy was planning on doing. So the crowd moves back to spot a. And then the marshrutka pulls up 10 feet, everyone shoves each other out of the way for a spot on the marshrutka, it fills up, and leaves. Please see diagram.

Anyone who does not understand the hilarity (or the ridiculousness) of this situation clearly doesn’t understand anything. I burst out laughing, like a LOT, and even after I was on the marshrutka I was still laughing, which didn’t make me look very good in the eyes of the Russians. Oh dear God. That was hilarious.

Those diagrams probably weren’t necessary, but I don’t so much feel like writing my paper right now. I already have 5 pages, I only need 5 more (well, I have 4 pages, but we agreed to double space it instead of 1.5). Also it’s not so much that it needs to be good, it just needs to be 10 pages of Russian that may or may not be about my topic. I dunno, though. Mine is like, SO bad.

I’ve watched American Beauty twice in the last two nights after I was done paper-writing. I actually really like watching movies late at night on my laptop. I get really super neurotic though that someone’s going to find me (like it makes a difference?) because I can hear floorboards creaking. Sometimes it’s the cats. Sometimes it’s random family members getting up to go to the bathroom.

Also, my host father has started smoking in the bathroom. He doesn’t smoke in the rest of the apartment, just in the bathroom. But a lot of the time you can smell it in the rest of the apartment, and these cigarettes smell SO bad. Like, SOOOOO bad. And I don’t want to go to the bathroom anymore because it REEKS and I can’t breathe in there. Plus all the cigarette smelling molecules stick to my hair and my clothes and then I reek. This is a sad situation.

Okay, I’m going to write for another…I don’t know. And then watch a movie. I’m going to say another hour and a half, and then I’ll start my movie at midnight (or after my host father goes to bed). I’m completely off of any sort of sleep schedule, but for right now I’m okay with this because a) if I start a movie really late, it means my host family doesn’t know about it and can’t yell at me (for not doing my paper (they wouldn’t actually do that), mainly for not watching it on the regular TV). I like watching movies in bed. And b) because that means I’ll sleep late, and maybe my host father will be a) out and about or b) at the very least, not in the kitchen anymore, where he spends most of his time in the mornings. Meaning I can not eat a whole lot, which would be fabulous.

Okay, commence paper writing. AHHHHHHHH I HATE THIS.

Monday, December 3^rd

I’m having a moment.

Well, I WAS having a moment, when I was listening to John Lennon’s “So This is Christmas” and some version of “O Holy Night”, but now “Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire” is playing, which sort of kills any sort of peaceful pensive moments one may have. But anyway, I was reading Ivan’s blog entry (go to his blog! He now has FIVE entries!), and reading his description of the library system (which is entirely accurate) and thinking about that, and the marshrutka encounter yesterday, and just generally about Russia’s ridiculousness, but then realized that I’m going to miss everything a lot when I come back. I can’t really explain it. I anticipate Russia feeling so far away because when I’m home, I’m not going to know when or how I can come back. It’s going to be so much more difficult than it was the first time. And right now I don’t feel like America is that far away, because I know I’ll be returning soon and all I have to do is get on a plane in Moscow. But coming back? I think once I’m home I’ll feel like Russia is really far away. Which it is. Despite how much I’ve complained and about how completely ridiculous and illogical Russia can be, I will miss it. I sort of have warm fuzzy feelings about Russia right now. It’s sort of like….Chris, actually. Difficult at times, but we love him anyway. And like it when he’s around, just not ALL the time. So Russia can be difficult at times, and I like being here, but wouldn’t want to live here forever. Much like Chris, Russia wouldn’t be Russia if it were fully functioning and developed.

Christmas music moments are ALWAYS better when it’s dark and snowing. Less so when it’s ridiculously hot in the apartment and Papa Yuri is smoking in the bathroom.

I’m fairly proud of that earlier analogy; I was going to use a diseased cat analogy, but I think this one worked much better.

OH MY GOD NATALIE WORK ON YOUR FLIPPIN PAPER.

Hours later:

AHH I found banana chips in Russia! I don’t think they’re hard to find, actually, but I was just pleasantly surprised. They’re called bananovie chipsy. Okay, I bet I’ve talked about this before, but it’s still amusing to me. So in English, when we pluralize (is that a verb? I just made it a verb) we add “s” to the end of words. Well, in Russian, they add “y” (an eeee sort of sound). Which means that in Russian, you have one chips, but more than one chipsy. One chips! Hahahahah, how humorous!

And in about 4 minutes I’m going to stop playing freecell and go take a shower. And then finish my paper. I MUST FINISH MY PAPER. BEFORE I DO ANY MOVIE WATCHING. I’m going to have how many hours on the train to watch movies? That’s right, a lot.

Tuesday, December 4^th

AHHH I just thought about the actual moment I’ll be leaving Irkutsk and got REALLY sad. Like, really sad. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

I also just read all of the literature they gave us on reverse culture shock. It is HILARIOUS. Here are some excerpts:

“You might have also experienced a greater amount of independence, both academically and personally, than you previously knew in the United States.”

WHAT?! WHO HAS LESS INDEPENDENCE IN THE US THAN IN RUSSIA?! Are they, like, in jail?

“Stop, take a few deep breaths outside the door, and only *then* go into your first Safeway (Grand Union, Giant, whatever). Keep moving steadily as you go up and down the aisles; do not stop and leave yourself stranded, just looking… at… all… the… things… Keep your mouth resolutely closed. Do not drool. Do not try to buy everything. Do not tell the first store employee you see that though he/she doesn’t realize it, this is the greatest store in the world. This person will think you very odd. Go alone, not with your girlfriend/boyfriend—unless he/she has *also* just returned from Russia, in which case the two of you will have to try to act as your own Overeaters Anonymous support group. It’s OK to feel weird, and you’ll be doing plenty of that; but there’s no reason you have to feel weird and fat at the same time.”

This is pure brilliance. That’s all I have to say.

I listened to some ABBA today and am now listening to some Phantom of the Opera. GOD I LOVE THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. SO MUCH. I think before I leave Irkutsk I might download a) some Arrested Development episodes, and b) some more Phantom of the Opera songs. AHH THEY ARE SO GOOD.

This smoke is killing me. I feel like CRAP. I’m not sick. I just have no fresh air and my lungs are being filled with cancerous smoke molecules. AHHHHHHHH.

I JUST FINISHED MY PAPER!!! And I have EXACTLY 10 pages. That’s right, EXACTLY 10. Tomorrow I have to fix a couple things, do a bibliography, and print…but other than that, I am SO set. I’m probably going to leave the apartment like woah early in order to do all of these things. I could watch a movie tonight if I really wanted to…but I won’t. I should sleep. Or maybe not….I do need a break after that paper…

Wednesday, December 5^th

I forgot to document Irina Militievna’s ridiculousness from yesterday. She’s usually completely ridiculous in her stereotyping (as many Russians are), and is actually a fairly good representation of the stereotypical Russian woman. She scolds Sonya all the time for not using makeup, saying that she will never find a husband if she doesn’t paint her face. But anyway, the topic turned into different nationalities (this is common, actually, especially in Speech Practice, when entire units consist of comparing cultural stereotypes, specifically Russian and American ones. At the same time though, a lot of the American stereotypes we read about were pretty true). Anyway, Irina Militievna asked Sonya what kind of heritage she had, and she replied “American.” Irina Militievna laughs and asks how that’s possible, since our country is so young (true). Then Sonya said she didn’t know. Irina Militievna was shocked and not pleased with this answer. I myself was wondering how this could be, especially because all the time in elementary school we did “where we came from” charts. This was like a big deal, and always unfortunate for the adopted kids, since they often didn’t know. I think Sonya must have gone to some really, for lack of a better word, extremely politically correct ish school, since I think she mentioned sometime about how they never celebrated Halloween because it would offend those that believed that Halloween is evil, or something. This is sad because Halloween is a gigantic candy holiday, and to deprive children of said holiday is, in my opinion, simply cruel. Anyway back to ethnicity. I was also surprised, since I know my ethnicity mix down to the 16^th. So we talked about that for awhile, then Irina Militievna said something about how Germans are ugly, which surprised me, since I’ve never seen an ugly German (note: my experience with Germans is limited to the 2 at the mezhfak, Christine, and the Lufthansa flight crew…I’m sure there are more, but I don’t actually know that they’re German, they’re probably part German and some other American mix. Onward). Elissa then asked what made them ugly, and if it was because they had a lot of hair. So then we were using different verbs, and one of them was to worry, or be afraid of, or something, and Irina Militievna asked if I was afraid of children, and I said no (or something along those lines)…she then replied that I should be, since every year they have problems with foreigners impregnating and becoming pregnant. I practically choked, which is impressive, because I didn’t even have anything in my mouth. We came to the conclusion that these foreigners are generally not the Americans here on the Middlebury program (except for one kid that had two girlfriends, though neither of them were pregnant), but mostly the kids on the other program. She said that they often come and get married, because they fall in love. She also said that people come to Siberia to run away from problems at home, because everything is great in Siberia. I also almost choked there, but held back. I sort of half ranted about how this was absolutely ridiculous and these people had lost their minds (actually that’s impossible because I think I said they clearly didn’t have a mind in the first place). She sort of shrugged it off as an “these things happen when you fall in love in Russia” as if the whole situation is completely acceptable. This is one of those subjects that I have particularly strong feelings about, and probably could have fairly well argued in Russian, but Irina Militievna is one of those people that thinks she’s always right (to be noted further), plus I didn’t really feel like it. She also said it was completely acceptable, after all, she had her first kid at 19. Okay, I think this is more of a cultural thing, because a lot of people here do marry and have kids way younger than we do in America, and if they want to do that, then by all means, go ahead. But the whole irresponsible fling/accidental pregnancies thing is another story. I’m not going to go into it.

So then later she said something to the affect of “all Americans are healthy and happy” or something, which we very much disagreed with, as we pointed out that America has its own problems as well (at the same time though, I’m not sure they can even be compared to the disaster that is Russia). So then we tried to explain all of this, and she just said “Guys, I’ve been (verb that doesn’t really translate into English-socializing/working with?) Americans for 30 years” with this “oh, please, you guys don’t know anything” voice. Eddie then pointed out that although she has, in fact, met a number of Americans, he has most likely met more. Being from America, and all. Her ENTIRE experience is based on the Americans that come to Irkutsk to study. She’s never been to America. We then said that this very SELECT group of students that she works with are certainly not regular average Americans. Probably because they study Russian and voluntarily go to Siberia. So, anyway, that was annoying.

I just looked at Chucha for a long time and made little kissy faces at her, and she leaped up on the bed and is now sitting on my legs. If only all cats responded that way.

15 mins later:

So then Chucha moved up to my chest and sat there for a good long time, purring. What a fantastic creature.

Anyway so today was a NIGHTMARE. I am so tired. First we had Baikalovedene, which was fine, actually. Although Pavel Alexandrovich said that he graded our tests, but didn’t give them back. He said we all answered at least half of the questions right. I’m like, oh, great, okay. Eddie thinks since he didn’t give our tests back it means we all get 5’s. I think it means they’re so horrendous that he doesn’t want to give them to us because of the sadness that will occur.

So then we had to talk to Vladimir Konstantinovich about not being in class because we had to meet with our mainstream professor. We knew he’d be okay with it but I still feel bad. So we’re getting the movie tomorrow and watching it…sometime. So then I went to Web Ugol to print out my paper. I had to find a couple things on the internet and did spell/grammar check, but whenever I tried to type something new, instead of just letting me type it, all these letters started disappearing. I was NOT pleased. Later Sonya told me that I have to hit “insert”, but seriously? Like, what is this. Why would that problem even exist in the first place.

So I was there for a way long time and printed out a lot, because I also printed out Sonya’s blog entry, thinking that I’d read it in the little coffee shop near the History Department. Then I had no time, went straight there, and we met with our professor. She actually more or less read our papers while we were sitting there, and then asked bizarre questions. Only some of them were bizarre, actually, but most were completely unrelated to the topic. She asked me who the first American journalist was to write about the Russian Revolution. Eddie knew. But…is that like common knowledge?

So then she gave us all 4+’s (which is like a B+), which I was NOT thrilled about. Granted, we did absolutely nothing except for show up for class and write a paper, but still. We were expecting a 5 in our mainstream class, and based on what past study abroad Russian students have said, it’s not an unrealistic expectation. So I was not happy about that one. My GPA is not happy (not that GPA is really that important anyway).

She also gave us a 7 question test, which was NOT multiple choice. Now, I think I more or less know Russian history, but this did not go well. First of all, it was in Russian, so I wasn’t always sure what she was talking about, and a lot of times she wanted specific dates. Sometimes I just guessed, especially when I didn’t understand the question. Sonya, Ivan, and Eddie actually somehow did fairly well, where as I got 2 questions right. So that sucked. It wasn’t like she graded it or anything, but I was like…come on.

So then Ivan and Joseph and I went to the train station to get our tickets. NIGHTMARE. First we were looking for a schedule. We were directed to many different places, and finally had to go outside and around into a different part of the building (why aren’t they connected?). Then when we got there and waited in line, the woman told us that a schedule didn’t exist. So then we had to write down what we wanted (Irkutsk to Moscow, with a day in Yekaterinburg and Kazan). So she wrote us a list of possible trains and we had to sit down and figure out which ones we wanted. Then one of them didn’t have any room in 2^nd class (the one we wanted), some of them were way too expensive, and there were all kinds of other difficulties. So we finally agreed on which trains we wanted based on departure and arrival times and whatnot. Especially important was whether or not we’d have to be paying for hotels/hostels/beds in the train station. There were a lot of people and we had to talk through a window and it was a gigantic headache. Also it cost $250. I am less than thrilled about this. Granted I have a good spot on a train across 5 time zones and don’t have to pay for hotels on those nights or for overweight luggage, but still.

Anyway, so our classes end on the 14^th of December (Friday). So we’re here all day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and then our train leaves at 2 AM Sunday night. We arrive in Yekaterinburg on the 19^th (Wednesday) at like 5 in the morning. I’m actually okay with this, we can go to sleep really early and then just hang out for a long time. The only thing is Russia isn’t like America where there’s always somewhere to hang out at all hours of the morning. Like I know in Burlington, when I would sometimes take the 9 AM train to NY for Easter or Thanksgiving, I would end up on MiddTransit at like 5 in the morning because that’s when other people were going (and it’s cheaper when you share). But there’s a little diner nearby where you can go. I’m not positive that’ll be the case in Russia. But anyway we’re there all day Wednesday and most of the day Thursday, we leave at 4 in the afternoon on the 20^th. We then get to Kazan the following morning at like 7 AM (Friday the 21^st). We’re there all day Friday and most of the day Saturday, leaving Kazan for Moscow at like 6 PM. We then get into Moscow Saturday, the 23^rd, at 6:15 AM. We at first thought that since we’re coming in to these cities early we could just spend the day there and get on the train again in the evening, but we had already gone through a ton of stuff trying to figure this out, plus hotels/hostels in Kazan/Yekaterinburg will be significantly cheaper than anything in Moscow. Plus these will be pretty cool places.

So I’m sure you all really wanted to know about that. So now I have to figure out when I want to go to Yaroslavl and St. Petersburg/Helsinki. And when I want to be in Moscow. I think I want Yaroslavl to be a one day thing, if possible. I’d like to spend a lot of time in St. Petersburg and Helsinki. AHHH I need to get on this. I found an $80 flight there and back though (Moscow to St. Petersburg), which is so excellent.

I just took a break to open the window, чтобы air out my room since it’s INFESTED WITH SMOKE. That’s sort of an exaggeration, you can’t actually SEE the smoke, but it smells awful and makes it harder to breathe. Grr. Also Chucha and I cuddled for awhile.

I’ve decided to do nothing tonight since a) I didn’t have enough time to go to the library, and therefore didn’t get any of my materials for my Baikal paper b) I have no homework due tomorrow c) I was sort of productive today, in terms of finishing my mainstream class and buying train tickets and d) I need a break (because my days in Russia are just SO busy). I’m going to take a shower soon, watch a movie, and crash. BED. SO GREAT.